Stolen Hope

This one is dedicated to one too young to have left us. I’m also dedicating it to her family, and anyone else out there who either suffers from depression or knows someone who suffers from depression.

fog_of_depression

Life is so fresh
And we try to seize every day
But some of us just can’t.
Sometimes it’s just overwhelming.
We’re lost in this … fog and we can’t get through.
We don’t see that pit we’re about to fall into,
Where we tumble into the oh-so-familiar abyss.

But we see a light up there.
We climb out … once more into the fog.
We try again.

stumbled-into-the-pit

 

Some of us just get tired of trying.
Some kind of thief steals our hope and we no longer see the light.
Everyone has their own thief.
You’ll meet him if you ever fall so far into the abyss

rock-bottom

You truly hit bottom.
He gets in your head in that dark place and finds a way
To steal that last bit of hope,
Leaving you no strength to climb out again.
All you have are your choices – the rest of your life at rock bottom,
Or some method your thief left behind to end the pain.
If you’re lucky, you remembered you brought your phone with you.
Most of the time, people don’t remember.

The younger you are, the more vulnerable you feel.
You may have turned your phone off.

Baby girl, you were so young.
I can’t ask you why you never talked. I’ve been there.
I can’t ask the gods “why”, either.
The gods died last night when they let this happen.

national_suicide-300x225

Life Goes On

(more thoughts from my previous post)

Pooh passed away in the middle of the night. He’s no longer in pain, and his family can go through a grieving process that will end. They no longer have to cope with the pain of watching a family member suffer.

The sun still rose today. I was up before sunrise, as usual, in my garage making incense. Mr. Magick Man got up, as he always does, and headed off to work.

The death of one person, just as birth, is a part of life. If it were a rock being tossed in the pond of our world, it wouldn’t really make a ripple. But the water where the rock lands – right where it lands – is moved and disturbed. It doesn’t just fall back into place immediately. That water represents those immediately affected by the one person’s death; their loved ones.

Why do good people have to suffer in such a manner when there are others in this world that perform truly horrible acts and don’t have to suffer in kind? We may never know. The answer to this question may come down to your spiritual beliefs. It may be a lesson you have to learn in this life before passing to the next. It may be we do not understand God’s plan. Or it may be there is no higher power; it’s just a disease and it’s a roll of the dice.

I have friends who walk each path. Personally, I believe there is a higher power. I’ll never understand the why’s, but I try to find some kind of growth from life’s experiences – no matter where I am in that pond.

Pond Of Life

Such an amazing weekend!

On Friday, the step-parent adoption was final. My husband adopted my son and the wonderful father/son relationship they’ve had over the years was finally formalized. Our first family photo:

Later that night, my brother-in-law gave us a very special treat! Journey was in concert!!! Opening for them? Loverboy and Pat Benetar! Ok, these are all way before the teenboy’s time, but OMG!!!! But wait, there’s more! VIP Backstage Passes for Journey! Yes, we got to meet Arnel Pineda (and yes, he does sound just like Steve Perry). Pics or it didn’t happen? You got it!

OMG, the concert was incredible! I felt *mumble mumble mumble* years younger as the music took me back to the day. I sang all night! But you know, some things are just passed on from generation to generation. When the band played Faithfully, I looked over at my boy and his girlfriend; there they were… she was swaying back and forth to the music. He was behind her with his arms around her… :: sigh :: they really do grow up too fast.

 

Saturday morning came way too early. We had to get the teenboy to high school for his orientation. Class schedule, locker assignment and combination obtained. Found out one of us has to be there Monday morning to deal with the name change thing; they were just too busy to do it then (really, at orientation they weren’t prepared for “Oh, we just had an adoption finalized”… I kinda’ expected to have to handle this on Monday).

 

Saturday night a good friend of mine hosted a get together at her place because there was absolutely no way I could have done anything at my house. I had out of town guests, I’d been losing sleep for a couple of nights leading up to the adoption (don’t ask me why… excitement? who knows??) By the time Saturday night hit I’d been running on an average of about 4 hours sleep for 3 days straight. I have pics, but I haven’t had the energy to download them off my camera yet. I’m still exhausted. 🙂

 

We were supposed to get together for brunch with the girls today, but by the time this morning rolled around I just couldn’t go anymore. Brunch didn’t happen, which kinda’ disappoints me. I wanted to take my best friend, Lyl, (who just happened to be the attorney who handled the adoption). We’ll have to do Ladies Brunch next time she’s in town.

 

This leads me to the last little bit of my tale… Lyl’s son had gone to a friend’s house while they were down here this weekend. Evidently, his friend had these two kittens who were in need of a home… The plan was for the two kittens to go home with Lyl and for her to foster them, find them a home, etc… Well… the calico of the litter kinda’ found me while they were here at my house. Missy stayed.

So, yeah… my husband gained a son and I just got a new baby girl! An amazing weekend all around. 🙂

And she gave him a son

October of 2009, Mr. Magick Man asked me to marry him. This wasn’t the first rodeo for either of us; but we both know we did it right this time. We’d been dating a while before I moved in with him, and been living together for almost a year when he asked me. I have one son I brought into this marriage. Mr. Magick man has no children of his own, but he loves my son and treats him like his own. I’ll never forget that weekend after he proposed to me, when he asked me what I thought of him adopting my son.

I was ecstatic!! But this wasn’t just my decision. My son was almost 12 years old at the time. I said we should ask him.

We asked my son, and being the serious boy he is, he said he wanted to think about it. I found out he was really planning a special way to answer Mr. Magick Man. That month, his school was selling “Boo Pops” for Halloween. Students could purchase these and place messages inside. He got one for Mr. Magick Man and all it said was, “Yes.”  That’s my boy. 🙂

With wedding planning, the adoption got put on the back burner. Then things started going downhill at work and I saw the layoff coming. This took longer than we had planned. However… Thanks to my best friend (and attorney), the big day is finally here!!!

Tomorrow morning, we all go to court and finalize the adoption. I’m posting now because tomorrow is going to be a very busy day. By this time tomorrow, my son will have the same last name as the rest of us. Mr. Magick Man will no longer be “step-dad”; he’ll be “dad”. I’ve often wished I met Mr. Magick Man at least 15-20 years ago so we could have maybe had a kid or two… but he’s adopting my kid. We have no complaints here. 🙂