Happy Holidays

I know I said I’d post more frequently, but I’ve had reasons for staying away this time. Regardless, the year is almost out, the holidays are upon us, and I did want to make one more post before the new year.

Where did the year go? Remember when we were kids and time used to just drag on and on forever? Except for summer, of course – that was never long enough. But the older we got, the faster time flew by. Gods above, if it keeps going this fast, by the time I’m “old”, time will have exceeded the speed of light. Who knows? Maybe it will start going backwards!

2018 was a year of growth and change for me. I’ve been challenged with health issues this year, but that’s getting better. Growth has come from learning how to better cope with change in my life, and learning how to better communicate when it comes to my feelings, needs and desires.

I’ve also learned to step away and think before acting; which leads me to my next subject…

After I moved from Dallas this year, I wanted to post more frequently. But it seems my ex-husband has found my blog. He’s commented on my posts – twice. Once, asking me if I wanted my old birth certificate (from before I changed my last name). Now, I could have sworn I still had that in an archived file box; so I don’t know if he’s fishing, trying to find out where I live now, or if he’s serious. In any case, this used to be a blog where I’d talk about what was going on with my kid (who’s not a kid anymore), and my family. Now? Fuck…  I could block him, but that just blocks comments.

Or, I could just let it go.

Yes, it was a horrible thing he put us through back in 2006, but it was over 10 years ago. He can’t hurt my son or me. He’ll never threaten me with a loaded assault rifle again. I’ll never have to deal with cleaning tear gas out of my clothes and everything I own. Ever. Again.

So at the end of this year, this is me trying to let go of a grudge that some still say I have every right to hold onto. I’ve held this grudge close and dear for a long time. It’s helped me get through the years, and it’s helped me heal. It helped me build the walls I needed to hide behind for a while, before I could come out again and start over. But a grudge is nothing more than negative emotions after a while. You relive and remember the painful event over and over, and lick your wounds. At some point you have to let the negativity go before it eats you up.

Letting go doesn’t mean that what he did was “ok”, nor does it mean that all is forgiven and I’m willing to communicate with him. It just means I have better things to spend my energy on.

My message for the holidays is that no matter how old we are, we never stop learning and we never stop growing. As much bullshit that’s gone on in this world this year, and the health issues I’ve dealt with, I still have to say I’m happy with the way this year has ended for me. I have a loving husband and a great son, and a happy family. Family is so important, whether blood or chosen.

Happy Holidays, one and all. Be safe, be happy, and be loved.

Happy Holidays (ugh…)

It’s Christmas day, and the first day of Hanukkah. I wish you all a very happy holiday, whatever you may celebrate. Me? I’ve given it the effort this season, but I just haven’t felt it. I really tried. But with every exuberant “Merry Christmas” I heard from complete strangers as I went about my day, it only served to remind me of my lack of holiday spirit and how very-not-merry I was.

grinch

You could say I sound like a grinch. Perhaps I do, but I can’t help it. This entire year has completely sucked, not just for me but for so many people I know. That, combined with political bullshit I refuse to go into because we’ve all been dealing with it on one side of the fence or another, but suffice to say, the current political climate in society is a ticking time bomb, IMHO.

You can only be so torn up and worn down before you can’t celebrate… By the time 12/24 got here and the tree still wasn’t up, I decided it wasn’t going to happen. We’re going to celebrate the new year, instead.

And, as I type my entry, I’m still getting greetings of “Merry Christmas”. :: sigh ::

Is just me? Or did anyone else notice there were a metric ton of “Merry Christmas” wishes this year. I especially noticed it, not because of my lack of holiday spirit, but because Hanukkah started at the same time. It seems like this year, more than any other year, we should acknowledge other beliefs. But, really, I’m not even Jewish. It shouldn’t matter to me one way or another, right?

My best friend just called me to wish me a Merry Christmas (again, while I’m writing my blog post). I laughed and replied, “Hail Satan.” At least she had a good laugh, too. 🙂

 

 

Another Year Comes to a Close

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. it seems time passes faster and faster with each year. I can’t believe 2013 is already coming to an end and 2014 is on our doorstep.

There is a website I visit every year to both see my year in review and to create an inspiration for the upcoming year. Wordle is a fun way to create “words of art”, or, Word Clouds, using a blog or website that uses RSS feed or using your own text. I highly recommend having some fun with it this week. 🙂

The Menopause Express 2013 Year in Review

2013 MenopauseExpress Year in Review

Holiday Spirit

The holidays are on us. Whether you celebrate or not, ’tis the season and it’s all around you. Every year I have the house decorated by now. I’ve always been of those who gets into the holiday spirit. The music brings back childhood memories of Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and other Christmas specials. I always loved to decorate the tree then lay underneath and look up at the lights.  Continue reading “Holiday Spirit”

Traditions and the New Year

Wow, 2013! A new day, a new year!

Last night was spent with great friends, and much fun was had. We had a good celebration, and at midnight we threw 2012 out the door. Oh, let me explain this tradition.

Each year a friend of mine makes an effigy of the year that’s going out. I honestly can’t remember when we started this tradition, but I think we’ve been doing it for about 5 years now. For example, When we rang in 2008, we threw an effigy of 2007 out the front door. If the year was particularly bad for some people, they took great joy in running outside and stomping the effigy into tiny bits. Regardless, it’s the symbolism of leaving things behind that I enjoy and going on with “the new”.

This year, M did an amazing job with the effigy. He wanted to keep it. He said, “Rather than throw it out the door, why don’t we just place it by the door so everyone can look at it?”

Our Effigy of 2012
Our Effigy of 2012

Being the creative type, I can understand why he wanted to keep this beautiful work of art. However, we have meaning and symbolism behind this tradition. Throwing the effigy out the door is so much more than just a physical action.

I told him if he wanted to keep it he’d have to go outside and catch it. 😉

Midnight struck. We all had a toast of champagne. People kissed their sweethearts. Then the moment occurred. We all gathered ’round to see 2012 tossed out the door. No one really cared to stomp up and down on this one. Really, I don’t think 2012 was a particularly bad year for this crowd. Or, perhaps bringing a little beauty brightened their spirits if it had been a bad year. M dashed outside in the rain and caught the effigy as it was tossed (and I can’t throw for schluken after I’ve been drinking, so that was amazing!). He placed it safely on the porch, looking lonely and forlorn in the window:

Don't let the door hit ya' on the way out!
Don’t let the door hit ya’ on the way out!

And now, as I post, the smell of black eyed peas wafts from my kitchen. I need to start on the cornbread soon. My, how I love traditions. Happy New Year, everyone!