Suddenly, parents need Special Parking??

I’ll preface this post with a grow-the-fuck-up to all those parents out there who won’t agree with me on this.

How many of you have seen these signs in the grocery store parking lots, shopping mall parking garages, and other areas where it is difficult to find parking?

Families With Children Parking Sign

You might find something similar. You know, Reserved for Expectant Mothers, or Reserved for Parents with Infants. You get the idea.

What special snowflake came up with this batshit crazy idea? I mean, seriously. If you can’t handle getting from your car to the store with your kid(s), maybe you shouldn’t be a parent. Need special parking close to the front door because you’re pregnant??? OMFG, PLEASE!!! That’s when you need to be walking and exercising, bitch! Put your phone down, get off of Flakebook, and walk for a little bit. Do something good for that baby growing inside of you. Try to be a good mother now, because you have a hell of a lot of work in front of you after that baby gets here.

Let’s face it, people. Having children is not a disability. Stop trying to treat it like one and asking for special parking, ok?

‘Cause, tell ya’ what. As long as I see these signs at the grocery store and the spots are available, I’m gonna’ park there.

I did it today. I went to the local HEB just to buy beer.

Hooray Beer

I come out with my six-pack to my empty car and get the stink eye from a mother with her bratty child who’s whining and screaming already (and he isn’t even in the store yet). I stopped and looked at her with the raised eyebrow.

She walked away.

From the Mouths of Babes

My niece recently posted a list of questions she asked her young son, and shared his loving, adorable answers. I wish I’d done something similar when my son was his age. However, I firmly believe that it is never too late!

Behold, the 17-year-old perspective on the same questions. And, yes, I enjoyed going through these questions with my son. I hope he had just as much fun as I did.

  1. What is something mom always says to you?

Boy!

  1. What makes mom happy?

Coffee

  1. What makes mom sad?

When you don’t get anything for Mother’s Day from your favorite, most beloved son.

  1. How does your mom make you laugh?

When you get confused by memes.

  1. What was your mom like as a child?

Low-key “problem child”.

  1. How old is your mom?

Hmmm…. 29.

  1. How tall is your mom?

smol

  1. What is her favorite thing to do?

Drink coffee.

  1. What does your mom do when you’re not around?

I don’t want to know.

  1. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

Can’t decide between loudest scream, weirdest dance, or “used up the entire worlds supply of coffee beans”. On second thought, all three of those.

  1. What is your mom really good at?

Making incense. Your incense is the bomb.

  1. What is your mom not very good at?

Chess. “You’re not good at chess, mom. I would totally kick your ass.”

  1. What does your mom do for a job?

You make incense and other aromatherapy products. And probably sell them as drugs. Hard core drugs. Don’t put that, though.

  1. What is your mom’s favorite food?

The souls of the damned.

  1. What makes you proud of your mom?

Do I have to choose one thing here? I mean, somehow I didn’t wind up dead. Good job! … I’ve honestly never thought about specific things. I’m just proud of you because you’re the bomb, in general, pretty much.

  1. If your mom were a character, who would she be?

Probably Kanayamaryam, from Homestuck.

  1. What do you and your mom do together?

Make a lot of tasteless jokes in the car.

  1. How are you and your mom the same?

We finish each other’s … sandwiches.

  1. How are you and your mom different?

I crave change a lot more than you do.

  1. How do you know your mom loves you?

You’re very understanding about my stance on controversial issues.

  1. What does your mom like most about your dad?

I have no idea.

  1. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?

There are a few places. The garage, to work on her incense; Neesi’s house; Starbucks…

  1. How old was your Mom when you were born?

Hang on… ok… you were … ?? Thirty…two?? No… Thirty, right? No! You were 29.

Unintentional Prank

I couldn’t have planned this better if I tried. Seriously.

It was 25 degrees Fahrenheit this morning (factoring in the wind chill, it felt like 11 degrees). For those using Celsius, that’s a temperature of about -4, and it felt something like -11 or -12.

The Teenboy has been on winter break for a couple of weeks. Yesterday he made sure to have all his laundry done because I’d been telling him, “You have to get your sleep cycle back on track. School starts back up on Monday.” He set his alarm this morning, dragged himself out of his nice, warm bed, got dressed, and went out to wait for the school bus. One of his friends was there with him.They noticed no other kids were there. At. All.

No busses either.

It was dead quiet. The only sound was the sound of their teeth chattering. His friend finally called his dad, who checked the school calendar. Oops! No school today – it’s a teacher work day. School starts tomorrow!

My Teenboy walks home and gets a hot cup of coffee. He tells me this story and I give him a hug. He pays me back with cold hands on the back of my pajamas. “You’re warm…” he says in his most pitiful voice. “AAAAAAHHHHGHGHGHG!!!!” I reply.

Snow Queen