Father’s Day

To all the good fathers out there, I wish you a happy Father’s Day and I hope today was a good day for you.

:: sigh ::

It took years of therapy, a good conversation with my sister today, and still, I have a hard time writing that opening sentence.

I hope you didn’t have to deal with a dysfunctional family when you were growing up. I doubt anyone has the traditional “nuclear family”, but surely, there is some example of normal out there somewhere. I hope you had it in your childhood. I figure, if you did, you probably enjoy things like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

My sister and I, we didn’t. We like to believe that the crazy environment we grew up in made us the strong people we are today. It’s true. If you survive something like that, you are stronger.

But you remember your parents. Days like Mother’s Day. may be easier to handle if you are a mother. You strive to be a better parent, and you love your children. I can handle Mother’s Day.

Still, I hate Father’s Day.

He was never around. Or, if he was, he was so drunk he wasn’t present. He never made the effort to be a part of our lives. What kind of father was that? Please….

I’ve always had this mental block on Father’s Day. I just don’t remember when it’s coming around. Unfortunately, this means I need to set a reminder now…. My husband adopted my kid, and my husband isn’t such a bad guy. I have to make myself say the words now…

Happy …

:: closes eyes and swallows ::

Father’s Day.

:: deep breath ::

Gods above, can’t I call it something else????

Family

It’s Mother’s Day. I have an amazing teenboy and a wonderful husband. I may kvetch every now and then, but when it comes down to it, I really do consider myself to be the luckiest woman on earth.

The teenboy hasn’t been sleeping well lately. We got up this morning and he was still asleep, so we decided to let him sleep in. Really, he needed it. Mom always made my sister and I feel  obligated to do the whole “breakfast-in-bed” thing for her. Really, while that might be nice, no kid should be obligated or “guilt-tripped” into doing anything just because it’s Mother’s Day. That’s just not right. So Mr. Magick Man took me to Kenny & Ziggy’s for breakfast and we let the boy get some well needed sleep.

When we got there, we were surprised to see Mr. Magick Man’s brother, sister, et al… basically, my brother-in-law had a “Mother’s Day” breakfast for everyone in the family and didn’t call my husband or me. We got there just as they were leaving. Mr. Magick Man’s sister says she asked where we were, but his brother never gave her an answer. When we drove up he finally admitted to not calling us. Never gave a reason why, she just said he looked … awkward. She said she didn’t know about this breakfast until last night, when her son told her “Uncle M said the whole family is meeting at Kenny & Ziggy’s tomorrow morning.” She just assumed we were going to be there.

You know, I will never understand the relationship between my husband and his brother. They’re pretty much the only family they have left. Their parents are deceased. They have cousins, but they aren’t in touch. I just wasn’t raised that way – you don’t treat family like that.  Just as my son was not obligated to get up this morning and make breakfast for me, M was not obligated to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. But you know, Mr. Magick Man is M’s only brother; if you’re going to organize a “family event”, include the whole family, damnit.

But what really gets me is the way my husband just lets this roll off of his back. “That’s just my brother. That’s how he is, and he’ll never change. I don’t understand him either, but he’s my brother.” I know for a fact this would never happen, but if M ever came to my husband in need of anything, my husband wouldn’t hold anything against him. He’d be there for him. I think that’s one of the reasons I get so wound up when things like this happen – my husband still treats his brother like family, but it isn’t returned in kind.

And maybe I’m a little bit angry, too, because his younger sibling doesn’t see how lucky he is to have his brother living so close. They’re in the same city, maybe 20 minutes away from each other in traffic. I’d give my eye teeth for my sister to live that close.

:: sigh :: Enough with my rant for the day. I’m going to get off the computer and spend some time with my son.