Letters Never Sent

Eight years ago today, I finally got out of an abusive relationship. I spent fifteen years with that man, and it ended in an event I refer to as “the bad thing”. This year was the first year I didn’t have nightmares about my ex, or the bad thing. That’s progress.

Today’s post is about letting things go, and saying things I want to say to someone who can no longer hurt me. A letter I’ll never send, because he’s really not worth my time, and because I have to get it out.

Dear Wanker,

I want to thank you for everything you did to me, especially there at the end. You showed me everything a relationship should not be. Although it took me a while, I finally pulled my head out of my ass and saw how my female friends were treated by their husbands and I wanted that same respect, that same love. I began to stand up to you. Your response was to become physically violent with me, and in the end you tried to kill me.

Thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for getting me out of that relationship.

Had it not been for your actions, I wouldn’t be in the loving, healthy relationship I’m in today. I wouldn’t have a supportive husband who accepts me for who I am. I wouldn’t have my own business I’m starting up. My son wouldn’t have a positive male role model. Today would not be a good day and tomorrow would not hold promise and hope.

Have I forgiven you for everything? That depends on your definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean everything is “ok”. You are a sick person and you need help. What you did was wrong. No, forgiveness means I let it go and I no longer give the memories power over me. By doing so, I no longer give you power over me.

I am happy in my new life – without you.

— Duch

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