I don’t have to be quiet anymore

Sorry for keeping all of you in the dark. I wasn’t asked to remain quiet, but I just didn’t want to say anything until this went live. Last … July? August? I submitted an article to an online gaming magazine for publication. After review I received an email with the good news and all the paperwork I needed to sign!!!

They just needed one more picture for the Author Bio, and they weren’t sure when they were using it yet. It’s a quarterly magazine, and they were shooting for the February 2013 issue.

The article went live this month!!!! I’m not sure who’s doing their editing, though. It has a few commas where I didn’t have them, and it’s missing periods where I know I put them. Regardless, I’m about to burst with excitement!! My first publication!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!

If you’d like to see it, please follow the link to & Magazine Issue #4. If that link isn’t working for you, it isn’t you it’s me. I’ve had problems doing direct links to their issues. Their main page is & Magazine. Issue #4 is on the left pane where it says “Downloads”. My article is the Guest Editorial on page 7.

I’m going to go back to squeeing with delight now.

 

What? I never posted about the “Inner McFly” voice?

I posted about this on my old blog. I thought I had it over here. So all this time I’ve referred to it and just assumed you knew what I was talking about. We’re either on the same wavelength or you’re all very polite. 😉

We all have that little voice in our head. No, not the one that tells you, “It’s time to clean all the guns!” We aren’t all that special. 🙂 But we do have our inner critic. You know, the one who tells us, “Hey, you suck!” Maybe some get the simple version, like that, a lot of us get a more detailed picture.

This voice takes whatever situation we’re worried about and starts finding flaws in how we’re handling things. Oh, it knows three or four ways we could have done it better – after the fact. And, yes, this voice is particularly loud when we are in the shower or driving in traffic (alone). However, it is probably loudest at 3:00am, when you are wide awake and everyone else is asleep.

I have caught myself churning and churning on (insert worrisome topic here), only to realize I’ve spent about 20-30 minutes getting all wound up over … nothing. Because that’s really what our inner critic does. It winds you up over your own insecurities, not over anything based in fact. Your inner critic operates & thrives on your deep seated fears.

When I catch the bastard in action, I usually slap the steering wheel in frustration, scream & say, “DUCH! GET THE F*** OUT OF YOUR HEAD!” To the other drivers, I probably look like a crazy woman. But, seriously? Screw them. It’s keeping me sane. I do have to wonder, though… You see homeless people on the street having a heated discussion with themselves… Are they arguing with an inner critic that just won’t STFU? Just a thought…

So where does the inner critic come from? :: shrugs :: I’m no Psychologist. I figure it’s part of the “not good enough” package, where you’re required to beat yourself up on a daily basis for one reason or another. We’re all our own worst critic and we all seem to have this “not good enough” streak to a certain extent, some worse than others. Some fall within an average range, some fall on an extreme scale. Self-esteem? Yeah, it’s got a lot to do with it.

A friend of mine heard me talking about this inner critic and knew exactly what I was talking about. She referred to it as her “Inner McFly”. I think this is probably the best description I’ve heard for it yet. I like giving it a name. It makes it easier to yell at the voice and make it STFU.

Hellooooo, McFly! WTF are you thinking? STFU, already!

Yeah. I like that.

Oh, that’s not me…. that’s me? No… Um… yeah.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. I’ve been putting myself under a ton of stress over this one assignment in my Illustrator class. I’m so used to picking things up so quickly, this curve ball threw me for a loop.

The problem I’ve encountered brought up my “Inner McFly” voice. For those who haven’t read that previous post, McFly is that inner critic who tells you things aren’t good enough, blows things out of proportion, and eventually convinces you that everything you do isn’t good enough. If you’re a perfectionist, McFly takes the opportunity to shout at the top of his lungs, pointing out every flaw in what you’re doing.

That’s exactly what McFly’s been doing for the past couple of weeks with my Pen Tool assignment. Of course, as a result, I’ve become an expert on Edit/Undo and I’m behind on the actual project itself.

There’s this guy in another one of my classes I refer to as “Rain Man”.  I apologize in advance if I offend anyone – it’s probably quite rude of me to refer to him by that nickname, but he really does have that “savant” trait (and I never use anyone’s real name in my blog). His artistic ability is beyond words – he creates some beautiful pieces. He has classic autism. I couldn’t tell you where his functioning range is, but I’d hazard a guess it’s somewhere between moderately high and very high.

Rain Man strives for an A on all of his assignments. This is his personal goal. If he achieves it, he treats himself by going to dinner at the Hyatt restaurant, downtown. He’ll proudly tell you about his personal goal if you ask him. I found out recently what happens if he does not make an A…

Rain Man was distraught. He approached me in class and asked me if the instructor would count off on his assignment because he forgot to turn in the grade sheet. I explained to him that it was a part of the requirement, but he should probably talk to the instructor. Rain Man said that if he lost 10 points because he forgot to turn in the grade sheet, he would have to punish himself by “making a withdrawal from his account and going to the mall.”

I know it sounds funny, but Rain Man wasn’t laughing. Rain Man was dead serious and quite upset. And, really, perhaps going to the mall is punishment for Rain Man. Regardless, McFly is talking to Rain Man, too. It’s the same voice, but one of us has different filters.

I saw how unhappy he was and knew anything I said would only serve to further frustrate him.

Although it was taken to an extreme, I saw my own behavior. It was like looking in a mirror. I saw the frustration and anger on his face and how he was beating himself up for not being perfect, I saw what I’ve been doing to myself over this Pen Tool assignment. The only difference is that I’m not giving myself retail therapy.

I made a decsion at that moment. McFly can go straight to hell. If I don’t make an “A” on this one assignment, it’s not the end of the world.

A letter to my persistent furry children

I love you dearly, and yes, you are adorable. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t risking your lives by waking me at 5:00am to feed you and to give you treats (yes, Freyja Kitty, I’m talking to you, too).

Miss Freyja, when I toss you off the bed and tell you Timmy is not in the well and it can wait two more hours, knocking things off the bedside table on your way out of the room will only serve to startle me, and piss me off because I’m really awake now.

5:37 should only come once a day, and that’s P.M.

 

I know you all don’t understand that little thing about poking at me before I’ve had that first cup of coffee, but please, stop.

Love,
Mom