OMFG where have I been? Yeah, I’m still doing what I can to battle the monster of depression. I count myself lucky – I have a very understanding and supportive husband. I get the feeling he’s been through this before, himself. He’s one of those people who doesn’t let things get to him. Things just “roll off his back”. If he can’t control a situation, he has this uncanny ability to wait.
:: sigh ::
Control. Yeah. I’ve learned there are things you just can’t control and you just have to let go. That doesn’t mean I haven’t fought this lesson kicking and screaming.
As a result, I went into a bit of a downward spiral. Anyone familiar with the patterns of depression knows the routine. “Social-butterfly-me” had no desire to go anywhere or do anything. The kicker was my office. It was a physical manifestation of the chaos in my head. Oh, don’t get me wrong – I’d obsessively clean the rest of the house, but my office remained untouched. Of course, this was where I performed my job searches, etc… Of course, I felt inadequate. Of course, I wasn’t happy here.
This is where my husband stepped in last weekend. We sat down and talked about the depression, the lack of focus, my big fears… then we made a list. What do I need to do in order to feel like I’ve accomplished something?
I won’t share the entire list with you; most of it involves projects I’m working on. But the first thing was to clean my office. I spent the 4th of July cleaning my office. It took the entire day. I declared my independence from the chaos in my office, and the chaos in my mind.
You know, it’s been just a little bit better since.