It’s been a rough year. Really, with everything building up prior to the layoff, one could say it’s been a rough couple of years. I’ve had to deal with a lot of change in my life.
I was never one who embraced change when it came to major life events. I never “went with the flow”. It would probably be more accurate to say I “followed behind, kicking and screaming”.
I’ve always believed events occur in our lives so we can gain experience and learn from those events, and move on. If we have repeating patterns in our lives, from unhealthy relationships to a string of stressful events requiring our coping mechanisms, it may be we need to take a step back and look at the big picture – ask ourselves what the common theme in all these events has been. What lesson have we had to repeat in each event?
I did this recently.
When my seizure threshold lowered and I temporarily lost the ability to drive, that was a change in freedom for me. A change in control. I could feel the downward spiral of depression begin. Suddenly, although I wanted so badly to get out of the house, when I left, I just wanted to go home. It wasn’t an agoraphobic reaction – I wasn’t afraid of anything. No panic attacks. Home was the last little thread of control I had left. It was my domain. When I left (with someone else driving, of course), I was leaving my domain of control behind.
I looked at major life change events that have occurred for me since 2006 (both positive and negative) and my reactions. With the anticipation of change in my environment, I became so stressed and full of anxiety. I allowed it to impact my health. All of this stemmed from the concept that change equates to “relinquishing control”. When in reality, I can control my reaction to changes in my environment at anytime. It’s when I allow myself to panic or stress about change that I relinquish control to change.
So, how does “The Universe” fit into all of this? Excellent question! When I finally made the realization about how I’ve been fighting change all these years, and about the lesson I finally needed to learn, it was as though The Universe opened a new door for me. Suddenly, I had recruiters contacting me this week about possible job opportunities (people looking me up on LinkedIn). I had people responding to me on positions I’d applied for about a month ago. Now, I have no idea if any of these are going to come through, but things are no longer stagnant. I’m going with the flow.
However, I think I’ll go with the flow with a bit more efficiency if I finish my coffee and have some breakfast. 😉